There are too many excellent (and crazy) advice columns to keep up with, so we're committed to bringing you links to the best advice column questions and answers every week. Here's a roundup of the most interesting, thought-provoking and surprising questions that our favorite columnists addressed in recent days.
Am I Right To Be Irate At My Mother For Convincing My Daughter To Get A Short Haircut?
My 8-year-old daughter, "Rapunzel," is due for a haircut and always wanted to keep her hair long, which my husband and I have encouraged. That was until my mother moved in. Mother now says things to her like, "Don't you want short hair like mine?" and, "It's so much easier to take care of when it's short."Now Rapunzel wants a short haircut, and my husband and I are irate. We let her dress however she wants, but this is where we draw the line. I know hair grows back, but we feel my mother has stepped out of line. Who is in the wrong?
Irateness is a disproportionate emotional response to an 8-year-old changing her mind about something so trivial as a haircut, right? Not according to Dear Abby! Abigail Van Buren somehow figures out a way to concur with the letter writer that her mother "is in the wrong." Read the rest of her (totally wrong) answer.
[UExpress]
Why Won't The Police Do Anything About The ER Doctor Who Has Been Spying On Me For Years?
When I visited the ER — I'd sprained my wrist — the doctor and I seemed to feel a genuine connection and spark. He was in his early thirties, good-looking, professional; I assumed he was involved with someone. But he seemed nervous (I was too!), and when he asked if I had a boyfriend, I was so flustered, I just said, "Yes," but I didn't.Fast-forward a couple of years. I've recently discovered that I've been followed by several private investigators hired by the doctor. (I was informed of this by one of them, who didn't seem to like the doctor much.) I then hired my own investigator (I went to police but they were no help), and it turns out the doctor has set up private investigators as tenants in the townhouse across from mine that was for rent, and he's ordered me to be videotaped going in and out!The police say that hiring PIs is legal and photographing private citizens in public is okay. The doctor seemed so nice, so "normal." However, what he's done and is still doing is not normal! ...
Elle's advice columnist, E. Jean, advises the letter writer to hire a lawyer, writing, "You must gather proof that the doc is paying to have you followed and make vigorous arrangements for your own safety." Read the rest of her answer.
[Elle]
Should I Inform My Friend's Workplace About A Racist Drawing He Posted On Facebook?
A Facebook friend from college, who is a public-high-school teacher, recently posted his drawing of an Asian with a coolie hat, buck teeth and slit eyes (he is not Asian) next to a pair of fortune cookies. As one of his few Asian friends, I told him it was hurtful. He apologized and took it down.Do I have an obligation to let the school know of his racist Facebook post? I don't believe that kids should be exposed to racist stereotyping, and I no longer trust this ex-friend's judgment on what constitutes racism. But I don’t want to overreact because I am hurt and angry.
Kwame Anthony Appiah, who writes the Ethicist column for the New York Times Magazine, urges the letter writer not to reach out to the school, noting, "you have no real evidence that the attitudes displayed in this Facebook post are reflected in his behavior as a teacher." Read the rest of his answer.
Does My Employee's Boyfriend Have Standing To Demand That She Never Receive Work Calls From A Male Manager?
I am the owner of a small business specializing in bridal hair and makeup services. My husband is a partial owner, and is a W2 employee. He is an assistant manager and covers shifts while our main manager is off. Part of his job as a manager is to contact our team members with important information. Recently, he contacted a team member to let her know of a staffing change that would affect her event the following day...Yesterday I received a text message from the boyfriend of that team member, sent from her cell phone, asking me to not have my husband (the assistant manager) contact the employee and that it is inappropriate. I then received a text message from the employee asking for the assistant manager's personal cell phone number so she could ease her boyfriend's mind and text him directly to tell him not to contact her. I have not responded. Finally, I received a text from our main manager, stating that the same employee requested the assistant manager's cell phone number from her as well. She also did not respond.What do I do? ... This is not the first time we have had an issue with this employee's boyfriend. I also received a very intense, borderline aggressive email from him last year when he felt she was working too much and not spending enough time with him...
Alison Green of Ask A Manager, begins her reply, "Ooof. Don't engage with the boyfriend at all." She also shares some helpful general advice on handling domestic abuse in the workplace. Read the rest of her answer.
How Do I Get Over On Online Relationship With A Guy Who Ended Up Being A Con Man?
I'm embarrassed. A few months ago, I began an online relationship. This man was charming and thoughtful. Just as we were about to meet, he had to fly suddenly out of the country to accept a job. When he arrived in his new country he said his phone and laptop had been stolen and I replaced them. As time went on, I foolishly sent him more money.There was always some emergency requiring my financial intervention. He even had his lawyer contact me to ask for more.Finally, my family became aware of my involvement with this man and urged me to stop.I faced the fact that I had been conned.Unfortunately, I had really fallen for this man!I'm seeking your advice in how to get over this experience where there is no closure...
Amy Dickinson of Ask Amy recommends a website that offers resources to victims of romance scams, and kindly advises, "You will heal from this emotional involvement the same way you would from a betrayal in real life — it will take time." Read the rest of her answer.
How Can I Get My Coworker To Stop Leaving Her Makeup Smeared All Over The Office Phone?
This is a weird problem, but in my workplace, there's an office phone that’s shared by everyone — though usually it comes down to me and one other coworker who spend the most time in this area. She's started leaving these obscenely thick, full-facial-imprint layers of makeup on the phone. I don't wear makeup, and I don't appreciate getting it all over my sleeves or my face if I absentmindedly reach over to answer the phone — plus, you usually can't see the layer of makeup until you’ve picked up the receiver and it's too late...I tried to be tactful and casually ask if she'd spilled something on the phone, but I'm pretty sure she had no idea what I was talking about and may have come to the conclusion that someone had gotten Cheeto dust on the receiver. At that point, I had to bail out of the conversation because I was having trouble keeping a straight face. I've talked to other coworkers, but no one seems to know how to deal with her. She's got a history of overreacting to the smallest things, and we're trying to do this without upsetting her. Help!
Jennifer Peepas, aka Captain Awkward, sagely suggests that the letter writer buy some wet wipes, wipe down the phone before and after each use and ask the coworker to do the same.
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